"Make Sure He Eats Some Kale"

Honest to God, NBC ER writers! Could you BE more pretentious? Who says that? I don't care what your annual salary is and how much of a urban prepster you are, who condescends her nanny by dictating in her best, ultra-curt voice: "Make sure he eats some kale." ???

I love that I tuned in to ER for probably the first time since before Dr. Green died to experience: "Make sure he eats some kale."

Ooooooo!

Let's Hear It For the Boy

I just have to take a minute and tell the world – or, my nonexistent readers – about my boyfriend, John. He's the self-proclaimed "world's greatest boyfriend," but the thing is, I think he very well may be.

As a former addict of "Sex and the City" and someone who can appreciate a high level of skepticism, I can't believe how profoundly lucky I am to have found John and feel compelled to tell people about his good works so they, too, can either become great boyfriends or at least find one.

Ladies, does your man cook without complaint, give you impromptu foot massages and bring home fresh flowers randomly (and I really mean without any prompting whatsoever)? Does he whisk you away to a romantic mountaintop getaway on a moment's notice?

Lest you think the attributes are too me-focused, I should also tell you he is an accomplished painter and a compassionate vegan, in addition to being completely hilarious (although, John, the Groucho glasses? Still unfunny.).

Green Dumb

I bought my first house in Spring 2006, and it had a lovely green lawn. It HAD a lovely green lawn. And while it's true that I did indeed kill the freshly laid sod in the backyard and a fat portion of the front lawn, I think it should be noted that the previous owners didn't feel the need to pay attention to a little thing called shade. So, rehauling the landscaping is a sometimes-pricey yet satisfying stage-by-stage project I've taken on.

Until the recent, record-breaking heat wave, I've done O.K. My tip to others looking to brighten their outdoor living spaces are prevention-based but also work for when you've really screwed up: root stimulator and triple action sprays. Root stimulator for when you freak out knowing that your recent purchase of $145 is literally about to turn into a stick sculpture mocking you from its shriveled height (where a previously garden-center-perky, perfect specimen was), and triple action sprays for when you know something is killing your soft-wood tree slowly, and, thanks to the aid of "Gardening for Dummies" (yes, "Gardening for Dummies!") and amateur sleuthing, you accurately diagnose some unseen monster – like spider mites.

Oh, and there's mulch. Mulch can literally transform your forest-floor-shabby beds in no time, and it's dirt cheap for the effect. It also cuts down on weeds (and the labor associated with them!). I recommend about six bags to start, even if you have a small lawn with a few beds.

Now if I could only master that whole watering thing...

Late in the Name

My first post begins with what I think is an appropriate title for my new blog: not only am I new to blogging, but my family and friends would tell you I'm a bit challenged when it comes to being on time (although my employers would not, just in case anyone out there thinks I sound like a fabulous potential hire. I usually save being fashionably late for baby showers, the DMV and the like).

I've always enjoyed reading, writing and sharing stories with friends, so it's my hope that this blog turns out as less of a lame experiment and more of a fun little thing to do on the side, outside of work, life and home improvement.

So, welcome to The Life of The Tardy!